Are You Being Considerate?

Source Text by Snow Bird

at http://chensnowbird.blogspot.com/2008/12/blog-post_14.html

Are You Being Considerate? [1]

On the days I don’t have to go to work, I sometimes sleep until nine and my husband will have gone to work already. I probably would feel uneasy if I were in my mom’s or mother-in-law’s household. This is my husband’s being considerate [1]; when he comes home he always asks enviously when I got out of bed. My son gave me two foam pads to put on the kitchen floor. He thought I would be less tired standing on the pads while I do my kitchen work. I tried, he was right. My daughter, knowing I love my stress-free and book-rich job at the library, did not want me to quit my work to take care of her baby. She said she would hire someone to take care of the baby. When my husband is at home he is allowed plenty of personal space—play on his computer, watch TV, snoozing, or read, even eat junk food that he shouldn’t eat; no wife to nag him; weekend is family time. Are you being considerate? [2]

At the year-end party I overheard a friend telling her husband to invite un-accompanied ladies to dance. I couldn’t help myself and hugged her telling her how sweet and considerate she was. I invited a few friends home for the New Year’s Eve party; a friend went out of his way [3] to pick up another invitee who doesn’t drive at night, so that she could come to the party. At a lunch seminar, my husband was delayed by some business chores. When he arrived the lunch was over. A husband-wife couple went to the kitchen and brought him not only the well prepared dishes but also fruits and deserts. The on-lookers were envious, my husband was happy, the couple was even happier. Perhaps, once in a while, you should try a different way of doing things—do something nonchalantly and don’t expect anything in return. I guarantee you will feel very good.

A friend has been driving for decades but has never pumped gas—her husband always does it for her. One day she was driving on a low gas tank and had no choice not to add fuel. She managed the best she could, but forgot to close the cap of the fuel tank; red light on the panel lit up. The repair job cost her quite a grief. Her son took her to a gas station, demonstrated how to pump gas, step by step, and reminded her again and again, “Remember, you must hear at least three clicks.” From then on, she ran all over the place as if she had grown wings. Tell me, my friends; was the husband being considerate or the son? People say, in America, if you can’t drive you are like moving around without feet. But, I have friends who have legal driver’s license but just don’t drive. Although their husbands chauffeur them everywhere, but there got to be times it becomes very inconvenient and, once in a while, some unpleasant things invariably happen. They explained, “He dare not sit in the car when I am driving.” Are their husbands being considerate?

The Seattle Times had this story around Christmas, 2008 [4]:

One early morning a middle aged lady paid for her drink at a coffee stand and told the barista that she would pay for the next customer as well. The clever barista immediately decided to play this “serendipity” game along; the next customer paid for the one next in line. The chain lasted for a few days—all in all more than 500 people paid for the next customer. The coffee shop got the best deal—because not knowing what the next customer would order, one usually paid more than necessary. Being considerate can be infectious.

The New York Times had a touching story:

A talented writer, journalist and musician, suffered a stroke while putting away his musical instrument after he performed in a library. He was paralyzed but all his cognitive abilities and intelligence remained intact. The doctor was not optimistic about his recovery: It would be a miracle if he could learn to move his fingers, let along operates a computer or a wheelchair. His literary writing skill and witty columns are now silent curses. To play another piece of music is now just a fantasy. He was an eloquent speaker; now he has to depend on his wife to speak for him--he cannot even nod or shake his head; he can only move his eyes to indicate whether his wife conveys his intentions correctly, although his intelligence is still all there. His wife says when he cries he cries for me, because he knows from now on this responsibility of speaking for him will burden me for the rest of my life. [5]

If I were to live in that kind of cruelty, how resentful would I be? Would I still be able to playfully ask my husband, “Are you being considerate today?” Everyday, he may dream just to be able to have a conversation and to take a walk with his wife. Despite being disappointed everyday for years he still can see twinkling stars in a dark tunnel; despite the agony, he can still reflect on what the lavishes he shouldn’t have indulged; he still feels blessed that he is still alive and still have the love of his family. At his son’s wedding, his message (he winked and his wife guessed) was humorously self-effacing while demonstrating a strong will to live. He reminded his son to cherish life, to call his mother more often, to love his family, and to readily praise people. After reading this story I couldn’t help ask myself, “Am I being considerate today?”

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[1] Considerateness sounds very awkward to me. Instead of using the noun form of the word, I choose to fit “being considerate” in the sentences I construct. The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus gives the synonyms: kind, kindly, compassionate, sympathetic, amiable, complaisant, etc.
[2] Punctuation usage: The source text uses more commas and semi colons. I choose to use period a lot more.
[3] The source text gave the information that it cost him 20 extra minutes. I omitted this information.
[4] The source text did not mention where and when the story was published. But, I know, because the author and I talked about it over breakfast when we both read the newspaper.
[5] I am struggling for the English verb tenses here. The Chinese language does not have verb tenses. The source text is very clear in the order of events without the benefit (or curse) of verb tenses. I have to improvise the English verb tenses here.